"I’m not quite myself,
I don’t know who I am;
Or for that matter who I ever was."
I’m over it; I don’t care anymore; I’m giving up.
I’m sad, so sad.
Monday starts summer courses so maybe that will help as an excuse for why I won’t want to get out of bed, or go out at night, or eat, or sleep.
I need to do good in the class so I’ll put all the energy I have into it (the little energy I have).
I realize tonight how stupid I am, truly. I know I need to stop spending money like I fucking shit it out because LOL I don’t make anything. I spend it all on weed and gas. I binge eat all the time and I’ve gained a lot of weight. I feel gross and imperfect. I hate myself a little more each day (if that’s even possible).
I shouldn’t be sad which makes this even more unbearable for me. I’m trying to understand but I don’t. I don’t want to be on pills to function when these pills aren’t even working anymore because if I could stay in bed all day with the blinds closed and my blankets around me, no one bothering me or making me get up or out; I would. I’m just beyond tired, sad, anxious, confused….
So fucking scattered and shattered.